How To Murder Your Washing Machine

How To Murder Your Washing Machine

A washing machine is an expensive bit of kit usually dumped in a kitchen or utility room and used and used without much care or attention until one day it dies in a spectacular fashion usually involving holding your clothes hostage in smelly water. It’s pretty easy to ruin a washing machine and here a few ways you’re potentially doing so.

How To Ruin Your Washing Machine 

1. Wash your underwired bra (or heavy zipped items) in the washing machine

Why not throw some barbed wire in there too?
Look, one day the wire will get caught and it will get stuck in the drum and you will have to pay the repair man a daft amount of money to remove it whilst you stand there with a bra with one intact boob cavity and the other looking like a balloon which has been man cat handled by a kitten. Of course if you don’t want to ruin your washing machine you could hand wash your bras or use these mesh bags.

2. Overload it

Go on stuff it full, slip a sleeping bag in there (why ever not, it’s basically an infinite black hole for your crap, non?) on top of your regular wash too if you really want to ruin it. Really make sure the washing can’t move around and forces the drum to jostle around inside the machine.

3. Never clean out the drawer

Don’t remove the powder and liquid drawer and certainly never give it a rinse. If you really want to allow your washing machine to die allow a powdery crust to build up and keep plonking more powder on top with every use.

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4. Make sure not to run maintenance washes

The best washing machine washes things right? Why on earth would you want to wash the machine? Some people (ahem me) recommend a monthly wash at 90 degrees with vinegar in the drum and powder drawer (also chuck your cleaning cloths in too) to rid the machine of limescale, clear out gunk and keep the drum fresh but if you want a stale, stinky washing machine skip this altogether. Oh and never, ever use a tablespoon of bicarbonate of soda in the drum to freshen things up. You’ve got £300+ to chuck around right?

5. Don’t use the correct settings

Do every single wash on the same setting. All clothes are the same right? And washing machine manufacturers obviously just put those other settings on for a laugh.

6. Never empty the filter

Why not allow the festering dirty, gunk to build up inside the filter until it ends up filling up the drum (oh no we didn’t come back from holiday in 2008 to have our washing machine filled with water at all)?  Great way to beat this is opening the filter and emptying the water, it is usually a kick panel situated somewhere along the lower portion of your machine. The first time you empty it do it slowly and bit by bit as a lot of water will come gushing out but after the first time try to keep on top it once a month. Obviously if you really want to bump off your washing machine pay no attention to the detail above.