I bought this top with the remainder of a Tesco voucher I won at work, I’m a sucker for anything with a deer on it. You could say I fawn over deer and if you do you deserve a job writing headlines for tabloid newspapers. I bought it with Christmas in mind and wore it when I filmed a Christmas special a few months ago, I stored it safely away in my wardrobe for the festive season but everytime I reach in for a jumper those wee deer folk purr (do deer purr?) and whisper ‘wear me, wear me’ so today I succumbed.
Or Could I Perhaps Make that Story a Bit More Exciting?
So, yeah, right? This bastard herd of deer have been stalking me for months, MONTHS. Everywhere I go I hear hooves or see wee glimpses of antlers peeking out at me from behing lamp posts. I didn’t quite know what was happening but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable for a few months, almost like someone was watching me. Then this morning when I left the flat to nip to the post office they attacked.
Several hundred deer came upon me as I crossed the road, they looked full of rage at my plain camel coloured top. I don’t know what happened but I woke up what felt like 3 hours later, but was surely only 30 seconds later, with a deer spattered top. Despite my trauma and feeling like I will forever be stalked by deer, I love the top. So I bunged it on with some knee high socks, my old faithful black pleated skirt, some cat shoes and my winter uniform of woolly hat and scarf and got on with my day. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it guv.